All About Families Newsletter September 12, 2005 Norman Bales, editor JUST VISITING Maybe you're wondering why we're taking so much time to review one book. In part it's because we think Tim Kimmel touches on so many crucial parenting issues that we simply don't know what to leave out. We don't want to give the whole thing away, but we do want to whet your appetite to read the whole book. In part it's because Kimmel challenges the belief system that is common among evangelicals and those of us who profess to be Bible believers. He makes us uncomfortable, but it's in that uncomfortable stretch that we are forced to think and therefore have the opportunity to grow. Norman and Ann BOOK REVIEW (Part four) _Why Christian Kids Rebel__, by Dr. Tim Kimmel. Nashville, Tennessee, W Publishing Group, a division of Thomas Nelson, 2004, pb, 255 pages. $14.99. I think of the five middle chapters of the books as an expose of superficial Christianity, which in turn either encourages a superficial spiritual walk with God among among parents, which contributes to the rebellion of our children. Neither one is a desirable outcome. Tim Kimmel is not trying to say there is a single parenting style that works every time. He is saying that some parenting styles work better than others, and some don't work at all. Dr. Kimmel devotes a chapter to each one of five different styles of Christianity. Each of them is inadequate COMPULORY CHRISTIANITY We present the Christian faith as a family tradition, and we expect conformity to that tradition. Our children don't think for themselves. We discussed some of these issues in the last installment. CLICHÉ CHRISTIANITY Christianity is promoted on the cliché level when we encourage a programmed response from our children. Sometimes our children say the right things because we've taught them certain phrases, platitudes, and a vocabulary that is unique to their church upbringing. To be authentic, our devotion to the Christian faith has to move from clichés to convictions, and we must seek to encourage our children to do likewise. If you're enthusiastic about Christian schools, you may be a bit upset with Kimmel when he points out some problems in this area. He's quick to point out that he has a long history of working in Christian schools so he's not an outsider taking potshots. From his perspective some young people who attend Christian schools develop a cavalier attitude toward the church. Their elitism actually serves to undermine the ministries of the church. Having spent an entire week immersed in spiritual activities in the school, they would like a vacation from it on the weekend. So, they're turned off by what the church has to offer. He urges everyone involved in parachurch organizations to remember that ". . . parachurch ministries are not the bride of Christ." Before you throw stones at Kimmel, you need to read what he says. COMFORTABLE CHRISTIANITY Kimmel is concerned because most of us don't make spirituality a challenge for our children. We are more interested in protecting them, and the more we protect them the more we put them at risk. While he does not advocate placing our children in an environment where they're apt to have their faith destroyed, he does insist that we must let them take some risks. Without risks there is no sense of adventure. He cites an example from his own home. One night a week his son worked at an inner city mission, which was something of a challenge within itself. One evening his van was stolen. Kimmel was encouraged at the way the boy handled the experience, and they way he grew from it. He suggests children raised in a comfortable Christian environment aren't ready for it when they are really challenged by the cruelty of the world. If we attempt to protect them from everything and isolate them in a comfortable environment, then we run the danger of becoming too complacent. Then they can be at risk when some big time temptations come along. He makes his case against the backdrop of David, his sin with Bathsheba, the incest of Amnon, and the rebellion of Absalom. To him the corrective measures that must be taken in the comfortable Christian home are twofold. (1) Hit your knees. (2) Get into the battle for the cross. COCOON CHRISTIANITY To Kimmel this is the primary reason that conscientious Christian kids rebel. In this discussion he pleads for an audience among parents who take their parenting responsibilities seriously. He's concerned when such parents become reactionary in their response to corrupt world systems, that we approach the parenting task out of fear. Such parents tend to be fear driven, and they unwittingly fall into patterns that actually move them away from God. Dr. Kimmel gets into your face. It's not enough to do and say the right things. He wants to know, "What is your reason?" COMPROMISED CHRISTIANITY Most of us have seen Christian families who seemed to "have it all together." Then something happens - maybe it's an anger problem, maybe it's a compromise of morals, maybe it's envy, jealousy or some other disposition sin. Maybe it shows up in a father who makes sexual comments about thinly clad football cheerleaders seen on television. Eventually the family comes unraveled and no one can figure out why. That's not to say that every child who falls away from the Lord grew up in a home where the faith was compromised, but sometimes it does. People can't figure out what happened in the home because they saw only one dimension of those parents' walk with God. Such parents may volunteer to teach Sunday School, give money to the church, volunteer for ministries, yet fight like cats and dogs in their marriages. The kids see through this compromised version of Christianity and say "thanks but no thanks" when they are no longer under parental control. Worse still, the parents may live to see their own sins, ratcheted up a few turns, mirrored in the lives of their children. To put his point in Biblical context, he discusses the law of sowing and reaping in Galatians 6:7-8. At this point you may get the idea that all Christian parents fail to make a passing grade in today's world. Not so. The purpose of the book is not to make you feel rotten. You may need to take some corrective measures, but there is hope. We'll discuss that in the final installment of the review. (More To Follow) Norman Bales ADDRESSES Southern Hills Church of Christ 9080 Southwood Drive Shreveport, Louisiana 71118 (318) 686-2190 E-mail: Norman Bales: <nlbales@...> Ann Bales: <Ann@...> Mikal Frazier: <mikalfraz@...> "Jim Bales" <jbales@...> Web sites: <http://www.allaboutfamilies.org/> <http://www.sohills.org> subscribe <allaboutfamilies-subscribe@...> unsubscribe <allaboutfamilies-unsubscribe@...> archives <http://associate.com/groups/allaboutfamilies/>