FORMER LESBIAN

Anne Paulk

 

"As a lesbian, I found hurt people just wanting someone to love. As a Christian, I found loving people just wanting to heal my hurt."

I wasn't able to say a thing after a teenage boy approached me sexually. Of course, at four years old you're afraid of getting in trouble...so you go silent. But inside, the pain of that moment began to grow louder. I became a tomboy. I didn't feel pretty or even lovable. I craved special attention from my dad to make everything all right, but I couldn't tell him why. I began to feel being feminine meant being weak and vulnerable. I didn't know what to do with men...they just kept hurting me, so I rejected them. Once in college, I pursued my growing attraction for other women. But as a lesbian, I found most women were paired out of emotional dependency rather than true love. That's why I asked God to fill the void in my heart. He led me to warm, loving people who helped me see the underlying needs that drove me into a lesbian identity. If you're still looking for real love...and need to talk with somebody who understands, start by asking God.