I grew up in a middle class family. My father worked hard to meet our needs and my mom stayed home to raise us kids. We had everything we wanted materially. Seems like the ideal family from the outside. What no one knew, however, was that my mother was mentally ill and my father was abusive. I was insecure and had low self-esteem. I just wanted someone to love me.
When I was 16, I met my high school sweetheart who was 18. We got married when I was a year out of high school and 4 months pregnant. There were problems from the start, and I always felt that if I could just be a better wife or mother then he would love me like I needed to be loved. I tried to be what I thought everyone wanted, but it didn't work. I started using marijuana and acid to ease the loneliness I felt. When I was 26 I woke up and realized I didn't know who I was. I was tired, and then I met someone.
I started having an affair with a man I met on the Internet. I then ended my marriage after 7 years and two children. I felt so tremendously guilty after the dust settled. The man I met and I were contemplating marriage but I wanted to see a counselor first. I had also suggested we start going to a church.
We received a card in the mail for a marriage enrichment course sponsored by our local church. My fianc=E9e and I signed up and started attending and we then attended the church. We both gave our lives to Jesus Christ and we asked for forgiveness for the affair. The guilt that I bore so heavily was gone!
Since I became a Christian, Jesus has done so much for me. He has answered my prayers even when I lost hope and just said, "ok God, I will let you handle it." He has provided for my family and me even when I couldn't possibly see any provision in sight. He has been so gracious! I know I don't deserve the grace and love Jesus has given me, but I praise the Lord everyday that He has given it to me anyhow. Best of all, someone finally loves me like I have always wanted to be loved and I have found an abundance of Joy and happiness. Thank you Lord!